Friday, July 30th
DANNI, 23, from Coventry
DANNI said after hearing tax credits could be scrapped: “Obviously I was reminded of ex-US Treasury Secretary William Simon who said, ‘The nation should have a tax system that looks like someone designed it on purpose’. You were on the money there, Billy Boy.”
Thursday, July 29th
SUMMER, 19, from St. Albans
SUMMER was reminded of a quote by ancient Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu when she heard Asbos may be scrapped. She recalled: “He once said, ‘The greater the number of laws and enactments, the more thieves and robbers there will be’.”
Wednesday, July 28th
RHIAN, 23, from Manchester
RHIAN is fascinated to see the outcome of David Cameron’s relationship-building trip to Turkey and India: “I think it is appropriate to draw on wisdom from the East and remember the Indian proverb, ‘For the friendship of two, the patience of one is required.’”
Tuesday, July 27th
ROSIE, 19, from Middlesex
ROSIE recalled the words of Charles Dickens when she saw the Pope wearing a baseball cap. She said: “He looked good. The Catholic church has had its problems, but as Dickens said, ‘Any man may be good in spirits and good temper when he’s well dressed’.”
Monday, July 26th
ELLE, 19, from Hertfordshire
ELLE is not surprised that Christine Bleakley’s replacement on The One Show, Alex Jones, looks just like her predecessor. She said: “The words of 19th-century English cleric Charles Caleb Colton sprang to mind. He said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”
Friday, July 23rd
KATIE, 25, from Liverpool
KATIE is delighted The Sun has saved the donkey forced to parasail over a beach. She said: “It was reminded of Mark Twain’s famous remark, ‘It is just like man’s vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions’.”
Thursday, July 22nd
SAM, 23, from Manchester
SAM was glad to hear £7.7million lottery winners Sue and Ivan Westbury are still going on their £9.50 Sun holiday. She said: “They know what makes them happy. It reminds me of the ancient Chinese proverb, ‘With money you can buy a house, but not a home’.”
Wednesday, July 21st
PETA, 21, from Essex
PETA was impressed by David Cameron’s strong performance at his meeting with Barack Obama in Washington. She said: “I was reminded of Abraham Lincoln who said, ‘Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power’.”
Tuesday, July 20th
AMY G, 21, from Sheffield
AMY said of the black parents’ white baby: “There are only 12 genes which control skin colouring so it’s hard to accept an ancestral one can creep up on a couple like this. Geneticist Professor Bryan Sykes suggests a genetic mutation is more likely and I’m inclined to agree.”
Monday, July 19th
AMII, 23, from Birmingham
AMII recalled British philosopher John Stuart Mill when she heard there was to be no UK burka ban. She said: "As he says in On Liberty, 'The only freedom which deserves the name is that of pursuing our own good, in our own way, so long as we do not attempt to deprive others of theirs.'"
Friday, July 16th
NIKKALA, 28, from Middlesex
NIKKALA is ecstatic Robbie is reunited with Take That. She said: “It reminds me of a tale in the Eleusinian Mysterious when Demeter, the Greek goddess of harvest, is reunited with her daughter Persephone. Her return created Spring and is the symbol of rebirth.”
Thursday, July 15th
RUTH, 26, from Kent
RUTH is thrilled that scientists have worked out the chicken came before the egg. She said: “It seems Aristotle was right when he first presented the paradox. Using the central metaphysical theory of potentiality and actuality was the key for him.”
Wednesday, July 14th
ELLE, 19, from Hertfordshire
ELLE was shocked to see Jordan’s new-look lips. She said: “I immediately suspected that hyaluronic acid – one of the chief components of the extracellular matrix – had been used. She should be wary of side effects such as serious swelling.”
Tuesday, July 13th
BECKY, 27, from London
BECKY was thrilled to see Paul the octopus honoured for his spot-on World Cup predictions. She said: “Octopuses share the characteristics of bilateral symmetry with other cephalopod molluscs, but their intelligence makes them stand out from other invertebrates.”
Monday, July 12th
Monday, July 12th
SAM was thrilled to see Spain win the World Cup final. She said: “They were always the favourites but appeared tired at times. However, as the noted Spanish philosopher Jose Ortega y Gasset said, ‘Effort is only effort when it begins to hurt’.”
Friday, July 9th
POPPY, 19, from Somerset
POPPY thinks it’s fascinating that a solar-powered plane has flown through the night. She said: “We’ve come a long way since the first solar cell was created in the 1880s. Photovoltaic production growth has averaged 40 per cent per year since 2000.”
Thursday, July 8th
CHLOE, 22, from Leeds
CHLOE is not surprised to hear Amazon are going to sell food online. She said: “The UK grocery market grew by 4.8 per cent last financial year. Consumers are already spending £3.7billion shopping online so it makes sense for Amazon to join in.”
Wednesday, July 7th
DANNI, 23, from Coventry
DANNI is concerned to hear prawns are being exposed to anti-depressants. She said: “While fluoxetine in Prozac may temporarily increase crustaceans’ serotonin levels, too much of the drug could irrevocably damage our fragile marine ecosystem.”
Tuesday, July 6th
ROSIE, 20, from Manchester
ROSIE is pleased to see the Queen is cutting her costs. She said: “Compared to some of her predecessors she is relatively prudent. Henry VIII almost bankrupted the country by building more than 40 palaces and filling them with 2,000 lavish tapestries.”
Monday, July 5th
HOLLIE, 22, from Manchester
HOLLIE’S thoughts turned to the work of legendary egghead Sigmund Freud when she learned Ronaldo was taking sole custody of his son. She said: “Freud wisely observed, ‘I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection’.”
Friday, July 2nd
PETA, 23, from Essex
PETA is shocked by the fat cat salaries of Britain’s union leaders. “The ethos of a trades union must surely be social responsibility and a fair deal for all. For any union leader’s remuneration to be five times that of their members’ is iniquitous. What would have the Tolpuddle Martyrs have thought?”
Thursday, July 1st
CHLOE, 22, from Leeds
CHLOE says the work of early 19th-century English philosopher William Hazlitt immediately sprang to mind as she watched Andy Murray win his quarter final yesterday. She added: “Hazlitt said, ‘If you think you can win, you can win. Faith is necessary to victory’.”
Wednesday, June 30th
KELLY, 20, from Daventry
KELLY said that espionage has a long history way beyond the Cold War. She said: “Queen Elizabeth I survived several plots due to the work of her spymaster, Sir Francis Walsingham whose domestic and foreign intelligence networks were unrivalled.”
Tuesday, June 29th
ELLE, 19, from Hertfordshire
ELLE is worried by Nasa’s space sex ban. She said: “I agree with professor Stephen Hawking – sex in the stars could be key to human race’s survival. The idea flies in the face of Newton’s third law of motion – but it must be worth having a go.”
Monday, June 28th
AMII, 23, from Birmingham
AMII says it may have been different had the ref given Frank Lampard’s goal. She said: “Without goal-line technology, England’s fate was in the hands of the Uruguayan linesman. Pliny the Elder said: ‘Most of man’s misfortunes are occasioned by man’.”
Friday, June 25th
RHIAN, 23, from Manchester
RHIAN reckons England should focus on the chance to make history anew against Germany, rather than dwelling on the past failures. She said: “As the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche put it, ‘If you gaze for long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you’.”
Thursday, June 24th
VIKKI, 22, from Essex
VIKKI says England’s heroes showed great courage to win their do-or-die World Cup clash with Slovenia. She said: “England always puts us through the mill. But as writer Euripedes said, ‘A coward turns away but a brave man’s choice is danger.’”
Wednesday, June 23rd
KATIE, 24, from Liverpool
KATIE says George Osborne and Fabio Capello must ring the changes to tackle past failures. She said: “Einstein had the perfect message. He said ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results’.”
Tuesday, June 22nd
NIKKALA, 26, from Middlesex
NIKKALA is looking forward to Chancellor George Osborne taking an axe to Britain’s huge budget deficit. As the Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen wrote: “Home life ceases to be free and beautiful as soon as it is founded on borrowing and debt.”
Monday, June 21st
SAM, 23, from Manchester
SAM wonders why World Cup teams from the northern hemisphere are underperforming. She said: “Perhaps it’s due to the Coriolis effect, the scientific phenomenon which explains the apparent deflection of moving objects relative to their proximity to the equator.”
Friday, June 18th
AMY, 21, from Sheffield
AMY says England fans are right to turn to the words of wartime PM Winston Churchill to help inspire the team. She said: “Who could fail to be motivated by powerful Churchillian rhetoric, which has its roots in the oratory of ancient Greek philosopher Cicero.”
Thursday, June 17th
POPPY, 19, from Somerset
POPPY believes George Osborne is doing the right thing by introducing a levy and better regulation of the banks. She said: “A sensible macro-prudential policy is so important in ensuring our financial system is more resilient and the economy more stable.”
Wednesday, June 16th
ROSIE, 19, from Middlesex
ROSIE is not surprised that the British EuroMillions winners beat odds of 76million to one: “As followers of Pascal have found, everything in the universe has a non-zero probability except for absurdities. And absurdity is a phenomenon without a valid mathematical relation.”
Tuesday, June 15th
CHLOE, 22, from Leeds
CHLOE isn’t surprised the last Government’s growth figures were lower than expected. She said: “High debt levels lead to the ‘crowding out’ phenomenon where borrowing crushes private sector investment and shrinks the economy. Luckily, I know the importance of growth in key areas.”
Monday, June 14th
AMII, 23, from Birmingham
AMII is thrilled that wild rocker Ozzy Osbourne’s longevity might at last be explained by his genome. She said: “Scientists discovered DNA deoxyribonucleic acid back in 1953; this could be another milestone. Not they just have to work out what Ozzy’s saying.”
Friday, June 11th
SAM, 23, from Manchester
SAM admires accident victim Michelle Philpots, who has only two hours of short-term memory. She said: “Life must be very challenging for her, even though memory can be an insidious drug. But at least hers isn’t mysteriously selective, like most blokes.”
Thursday, June 10th
HOLLIE, 22, from Manchester
HOLLIE says that World Cup flag-flying reminds her of Greek philosopher Socrates and his view on patriotism. She said: “He believed it should promote analytical questioning to make a country the best it can be. I just hope it means we get past the quarter finals.”
Wednesday, June 9th
KELLY, 20, from Daventry
KELLY backs our drive to end potty government spending. She said: “Welfare state founder William Beveridge said tax revenues should tackle the Giant Evils: Want, Disease, Ignorance, Squalor, Idleness. I can’t find anything about us paying for girls to learn how to walk in killer heels.”
Tuesday, June 8th
RHIAN, 23, from Manchester
RHIAN is delighted England’s stars made it through yesterday’s friendly without injury. She said: “Ledley King’s left knee didn’t flare up and I was impressed with Joe Cole. Mind you, Platinum played like a pub team at times. England will need to show more mettle against the US.”
Monday, June 7th
SUMMER, 19, from St Albans
SUMMER is appalled by Ed Balls claiming he warned Labour over immigration. She said: “He never said anything about it when in power. As the philosopher Edmund Burke said, ‘Hypocrisy can afford to be magnificent in its promises, for never intending to go beyond promise, it costs nothing’.”
Friday, June 4th
DANNI, 23, from Coventry
DANNI is not sure she’ll find the time to read all the books coming out from Labour grandees. She said: “There is something rather narcissitic about publishing memoirs. Personally I’d prefer to read a good bodice-ripper.”
Thursday, June 3rd
STACEY, 22, from Portsmouth
STACEY is impressed that the PM is taking his kids to school. She said: “In 2001 Professor of Psychology Charlie Lewis vouched for how well children do in exams if their dads have been involved during their formative years. I agree with Dave on this one.”
Wednesday, June 2nd
ROSIE, 19, from Middlesex
ROSIE is sad for Theo Walcott after he was axed from England’s World Cup squad. She said: “His lightening pace would have put Nike, the Greek goddess of speed, to shame. It’s a pity Theo won’t be taking his Nike’s to South Africa.”
Tuesday, June 1st
POPPY, 18, from Somerset
POPPY is astonished that civil servants earn up to £280,000. She said: “This kind of administration institution evolved from the structures outlined in the Romans’ Notitia Dignitarium. But there’s not much dignity with these snout-in-the-trough merchants.”
Monday, May 31st
VIKKI, 21, from Essex
VIKKI supports an increase in the Civil List to keep it in line with inflation. She said: “We shouldn’t begrudge the Queen her running costs, which amount to just 13p per taxpayer per year. Failing to cough up for the old girl just wouldn’t be civil service would it.”
Friday, May 28th
BECKY, 26, from London
BECKY was shocked that TV’s Nick Knowles burned his willy while cooking a pudding in the nude. She said: “He’d be safer with a classic fruit crumble from the real Naked Chef, Jamie Oliver, who suggests putting your plums on a baking tray at 180C for 15mins. Or a nice nut roast.”
Thursday, May 27th
PETA, 23, from Essex
PETA backs Education Secretary Michael Gove’s tough school reforms despite bitter union opposition. She said: “There will always be those who reject change of any kind. But as the French writer Theodore de Banville said, ‘Those who do nothing are never wrong’.”
Wednesday, May 26th
STACI, 21, from Preston
STACI said model Amazon Eve’s height reminded her of the mythical women: “I’ve always been fascinated by the thought of a matriarchal society of statuesque warrior beauties. I’m not sure I’d fancy going into battle, though – it would ruin my manicure.”
Tuesday, May 25th
HOLLIE, 22, from Manchester
HOLLIE says there is no need to panic over the Chancellor’s spending cuts. She said: “£6.2billion sounds like a colossal figure. But if you imagine public spending as a giant pizza, we’re talking about barely a few anchovies. And I can’t stand the salty little beggars anyway.”
Monday, May 24th
DANNI, 23, from Coventry
DANNI was sad to hear that the cladding on the Duckworths’ former home in Coronation Street is to be removed. She said: “It’ll be like Florence without Alberti’s facade on the Santa Maria Novella basilica – or the Rovers without Betty’s hotpot.”
Friday, May 21st
CHLOE, 22, from Leeds
CHLOE was devastated to hear that Picasso works have been stolen. She said: “I’ve long been an admirer of his bold expressions of cubism and am particularly keen on his Analytic and Synthetic periods. He really knew how to slap the oils around.”
Thursday, May 20th
SAM, 23, from Manchester
SAM is deeply concerned about Britain’s financial markets after German Chancellor Angela Merkel claimed the euro was under threat. She said: “Shares have plunged. It’s all very well banning naked short selling, but this woman has left us exposed.”
Wednesday, May 19th
ROSIE, 19, from Surrey
ROSIE is alarmed by the latest inflation figures. She said: “Predictions from the Bank of England’s Monetary Policy Committee have been consistently over-optimistic. This young lady from Surrey thinks the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street needs to pull her finger out.”
Tuesday, May 18th
RUTH, 26, from Kent
RUTH is fully behind The Sun’s campaign to save England’s 2018 World Cup bid. She said: “The rules of Association Football were first codified in England in 1863. Our bid shouldn’t be scuppered by one blundering individual getting caught offside.”
Monday, May 17th
AMII, 24, from Birmingham
AMII is delighted Lady GaGa is learning to speak the Queen’s English. She said: “Fifty years ago Received Pronunciation, first identified by the linguist AJ Ellis in 1869, was considered perfection. These days diphthongs ain’t what they used to be.”
Friday, May 14th
VIKKI, 21, from Essex
VIKKI says a £12million Ferrari will make Chris Evans more attractive to women. She said: “Theories of cognitive dissonance reveal that in spite of themselves, females are powerless to resist the psychological influences of wealth and status. Even if he is no top model himself.”
Thursday, May 13th
RHIAN, 23, from Manchester
RHIAN is delighted Theresa May has become only the second woman to hold the post of Home Secretary. She said: “As her great heroine Margaret Thatcher declared, ‘If you want said, ask a man. If you want something doing, ask a woman’.”
Wednesday, May 12th
KELLY, 19, from Daventry
KELLY says getting Lord Nelson to back England’s 2018 World Cup bid is a masterstroke. She said: “Nelson had the perfect message for our boys if they face cheating Theirry Henry’s team. Treat every Frenchman as if he was the devil himself.”
Tuesday, May 11th
CHLOE, 22, from Leeds
CHLOE fears the implications of Proportional Representation voting. She said: “Some parties want to dump First Past The Post and use PR or the Alternative Vote system – even Instant-Runoff Voting. If we ditch FPTP for PR, AV or IRV it’s SNAFU with our MPs.”
Monday, May 10th
PETA, 23, from Essex
PETA is horrified that the Chancellor has committed us to paying £43billion in an EU bail-out. She said: “Lending involves risk and relies totally on the borrower honouring their debt contract. I never trusted Alistair Darling as a loan arranger – now he’s gone tonto.”
Friday, May 7th
VOTE COUNTER from Wearside
ELECTION Night is always huge in Sunderland – and yesterday produced another impressive turnout. Big cities vie for the honour of being first to declare results but since 1992, Sunderland has always got them out first. Keen psephologists were quick to point out a large swing too.
Thursday, May 6th
HOLLIE, 22, from Manchester
HOLLIE said rattled Harriet Harman’s latest rant against Page 3 shows Labour have lost it. She said: “Albert Einstein said, ‘Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools’ – and they don’t come more foolish than Harriet Harpenson.”
Wednesday, May 5th
PETA, 23, from Essex (and 15 Page 3 girls)
NEWS IN BRIEFS ELECTION SPECIAL KNIFE and gun crime at alarming levels, our troops being killed in Afghanistan and the highest youth unemployment for a generation. But all Labour and Lib Dems are thinking about is putting me and my girls out of a job. Page 3 is an institution and has allowed me to visit Afghanistan and provide a much needed smile to Our Boys and Girls. It may not be around forever, but for now it has its place – proudly on the page between tow and four.”
Tuesday, May 4th
Sam, 23, from Manchester
SAM was astonished to see the official list of things you can’t do in Dubai. She said: “The legal system in the emirate follows a strict moral code that has its roots in Sharia law. I’m just pleased it doesn’t outlaw my favourite hobby – shopping.”
Monday, May 3rd
NIKKALA, 26, from Middlesex
NIKKALA is encouraged to hear that 12 Labour big-hitters could be out. She said: “In ’79 the Conservatives won with a 5.3 per cent swing. Tony Blair did it in 1997 with 10.3 per cent. So the swing to the Tories doesn’t need to be huge. I predict nine per cent.”
Friday, April 30th
DANNI, 23, from Coventry
DANNI is convinced Greece’s financial woes have their roots in the adoption of the single currency – and that David Cameron was right to pledge last night he would never ditch the Pound. She said: “If only the Greeks had stayed out of the euro – because you can’t make a crisis out of a drachma.”
Thursday, April 29th
HARRIET, 22, from Peckham & LYNNE, 24, from Hornsey
HARRIET and Lynne are fuming at a Liberal and Labour plan to ban Page 3. Harriet said: “Under Article 10 of the Human Right Acts 1998 we have a right to express ourselves without hindrance from government. Their plan is barely credible.”
Wednesday, April 28th
STACI, 21, from Preston
STACI blames the Government for petrol’s soaring price. She said: “Fuel tax has risen nearly 23p a litre in real terms since Labour came to power in 1997. As Mark Twain said, ‘The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.’”
Tuesday, April 27th
BECKY, 26, from London
BECKY is concerned by the prospect of electoral reform in a hung parliament. She said: “In legislatures with proportional representational, minority or coalition government is often the norm. I’d hate to live in a country like Italy that has had 61 governments in 65 years – even if I do love Italian food.”
Monday, April 26th
KELLY, 20, from Daventry
KELLY thinks it’s fantastic Stephen Hawkins says aliens almost certainly exist. She said: “It’s the logical extension of the anthropic principle which means life is bound to be able to thrive elsewhere, just as it does on Earth. And I love ET. That film made my cry.”
Friday, April 23rd
ROSIE, 19, from Middlesex
ROSIE urges all Sun readers to mark St George's day today. She said "There is no more wonderful country than ours, so let's celebrate our patron's day and remember Shakespeare's immortal lines: 'This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England."
Thursday, April 22nd
HOLLIE, 22, from Manchester
HOLLIE thinks it’s daft the same talent show dogs keep returning to our screens. She said: “Behaviour expert Dr Friederike Range from Vienna University once suggested dogs like Chandi can learn morals. If that’s true, she should know better.”
Wednesday, April 21st
RHIAN, 23, from Manchester
RHIAN fears for the 007 phenomenon after the latest film was shelved. She said: “I’ve always enjoyed seeing the movies tap into historical, political and social contexts from the Cold War period to the present day. And that Daniel Craig is well fit.”
Tuesday, April 20th
VIKKI, 21, from Essex
VIKKI is concerned about the problems with the Wembley pitch. She said: “The Institute of Groundsmanship says the pitch may have to be re-laid up to five times a year which is not uncommon for mutli-use stadia. Must be what they mean by sods law.”
Monday, April 19th
POPPY, 19, from Somerset
POPPY is staggered at the complexity of the rescue for Brits stuck abroad by the volcano ash cloud. “In terms of maritime transport movements it could be the largest seaborne operation since D-Day. Just think of the queue for duty-frees.”
Friday, April 16th
SAM, 23, from Manchester
SAM said passengers cursing the volcanic ash should remember their planes were cancelled for safety reasons. She added: “At least the Iceland volcano isn’t as bad as the Thera eruption in Crete 3,500 years ago. Historians believe it was responsible for the Ten Biblical Plagues of Egypt.”
Thursday, April 15th
DANNI, 23, from Coventry
DANNI is excited by the IVF breakthrough creating disease-free designer babies from three parents. She said: “We can now separate problematic pronuclei from healthy mitachondria cells in the DNA of two women and a man. Always helps to have an extra woman on board.”
Wednesday, April 14th
CHLOE, 22, from Leeds
CHLOE says David Cameron’s manifesto “reminds us that we have the ability to run our own affairs. In George Bernard Shaw’s words, ‘The people who get on are those who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them’.”
Tuesday, April 13th
ROSIE, 19, from Middlesex
ROSIE is fascinated the BBC modelled Doctor Who’s early regenerations on bad LSD trips. She said: “LSD or Lysergic Acid Diethylamide alters your perception of reality resulting in psychedelic visions. No wonder the Doctor looked spaced out.”
Monday, April 12th
STACEY, 21, from Plymouth
STACEY can’t wait to hear a Snoop Dogg and SuBo duet. She said: “I think combining the emotive medium of musical theatre with rap, which has its roots in the story-telling riots of West Africa, will be perfect. It will shizzel my nizzle.”
Friday, April 9th
AMII, 24, from Birmingham
AMII says signing up Sir Michael Caine was a masterstroke by the Tories. She added: “His rise from poverty on a council estate to become a knight of the realm is truly inspirational. Gordon Brown? We’re better off with the star of Harry Brown.”
Thursday, April 8th
HOLLIE, 22, from Manchester
HOLLIE thinks Gordon Brown’s hated NI rise shatters the three basic laws of economics, She said: “As guru Adam Smith wrote in his seminal The Wealth of Nations, they are: a free economy, free marketing and laissez-faire government, That means Hands Off, Gordy.”
Wednesday, April 7th
KATIE, 25, from Liverpool
KATIE urges everyone to vote at the election. She said: “As the sixth US president John Quincy Adams said, ‘Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.’ My thoughts entirely.”
Tuesday, April 6th
AMY G, 21, from Sheffield
AMY G is excited the PM is finally announcing the election. She said: “We’re going to see a huge increase in the usual political filibustering and flummery. And if the Tories hang on to their ten-point lead we will avoid a well hung Parliament.”
Monday, April 5th
NIKKALA, 26, from Middlesex
NIKKALA is not surprised aliens are carrying out clinical tests on our sheep. She said: “Since sheep were domesticated 11,000 years ago in Mesopotamia these ruminant mammals have lived with humans. But this sounds a bit baa-baric.”
Friday, April 2nd
ROSIE, 19, from Middlesex
ROSIE is shocked that militant unions are responsible for more than half of donations to Labour since the last election. She said: “Baseball legend Babe Ruth once said, ‘Every strike brings me closer to a home run.’ Well, every walkout will bring the Tories closer to No10.”
Thursday, April 1st
PETA, 23, from Essex
PETA will be watching developments with Wayne Rooney’s ankle. She said: “The key to recovery is the extent of damage to his anterior talofibular and culcaneofibular lateral ligaments. He could also do with keeping his feet up in a nice comfy pair of slippers.”
Wednesday, March 31st
RHIAN, 23, from Manchester
RHIAN is impressed by the Hadron Collider's atom smashing. She said: “We have the chance to generate particles that are sensitive to dimensions beyond our four dimensional space-time. I'm a bit of a smasher myself, but I've got nothing on the Collider.”
Tuesday, March 30th
VIKKI, 21, from Essex
VIKKI is delighted that scientists have found chocolate can be good for you. She said: “Antioxidant flavanois are obviously the key, just as positive phytochemicals in wine ease blood pressure. I hope someone is researching the health benefits of chip butties.”
Monday, March 29th
SAM, 23, from Manchester
SAM was not surprised that Britain’s oldest dad – Gerry Burks, 74 – is a banana fan. She said: “They contain zinc and vitamin B6, which help a man’s fertility. The curvy yellow treats have really helped Gerry stand out form the rest of the bunch.”
Friday, March 26th
DANNI, 23, from Coventry
DANNI was reminded of Henry V's "Once more onto the breach" Agincourt battle cry as she saw Prince Charles in combat gear with our boys in Afghanistan. She said: "The only difference was Charles was once more into forces breeches."
Thursday, March 25th
POPPY, 19, from Somerset
POPPY was horrified at the cider tax hike: “It is a uniquely refreshing beverage which scientific studies have concluded to be rich in health-improving antioxidants – or, as The Wurzels put it, ‘It soothes all me troubles away oh arr oh arr aay’.”
Wednesday, March 24th
BECKY, 26, from London
Becky was amazed a penniless Russian recluse has proved the Poincaré Conjecture, “which says that if a 3D manifold is compact, has no boundary and is simply connected, then it is homeomorphic to a sphere. His maths are good – but my figures are just as impressive!”
Tuesday, March 23rd
RUTH, 27, from Kent
RUTH says the words of the Dalai Lama sprang to mind after she heard BA strikers wanted pretty girls on picket lines to help their cause. She said: “He always says, ‘Dialogue is the most effective way of resolving conflict’. Wise words, DL.”
Monday, March 22nd
KELLY, 19, from Daventry
KELLY hopes predictions of a hot summer are correct. She said: “Forecasters have enough technology now to get it right. It’s not as though we are back in the days of da Vinci’s 15th-century gravimetric hygrometer to measure atmospheric humidity, is it?”
Friday, March 19th
SAM, 23, from Manchester
SAM is not surprised to learn the BBC is biased against the Tories. She said: “I’m well aware that the Greek philosopher Bias of Priene said we should persevere with firmness when adopting our courses, but this just shows the idea of the BBC being balanced is a myth.”
Thursday, March 18th
KATIE, 24, from Liverpool
KATIE was shocked by Gordon Brown’s admission that he misled the Iraq inquiry over figures for defence spending. She said: “As an old economist once observed, statistics are like bikinis; what they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.”
Wednesday, March 17th
DANNI, 23, from Coventry
DANNI found herself of one mind with George Orwell after hearing half the Cabinet is bank rolled by union Unite. She said: “He wrote that much of left-wing thought is a kind of playing with fire by people who don’t know fire is hot – exactly what I was thinking.”
Tuesday, March 16th
ROSIE, 19, from Middlesex
CLASSICS fan Rosie thinks David Beckham missing the World Cup is an epic tragedy. She said: “Like Achilles, son of Peleus king of the Myrmidons, Becks is a dashing warrior. And there was me saying Posh would be the one cursing their heels.”
Monday, March 15th
AMY G, 21, from Sheffield
AMY is saddened that 25% of voters don’t know who Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg is. She said: “All participants in our democratic process ought to learn about politics, great leaders – and Clegg. He was masterful in Last of the Summer Wine.”
Friday, March 12th
AMII, 24, from Birmingham
AMII is concerned that a “death star” may send a comet hurtling to Earth. She said: “This brown dwarf cannot develop our Sun’s powerful high-yield hydrogen fusion due to its relatively low mass. But it still punches above its weight.”
Thursday, March 11th
STACEY, 22, from Portsmouth
STACEY was stunned after 100 starlings fell from the skies in Somerset. She said: “Each starling’s movement is affected by others. This is a case of mathematical chaos but it appears on this occasion the poor birds got their sums wrong.”
Wednesday, March 10th
KATIE, 24, from Liverpool
KATIE is mystified by the UFO in Norfolk. She said: "All spaceships created by man depend on Newton's third law of motion - for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Yet this UFO does not seem to exhaust thrust."
Tuesday, March 9th
SAM, 24, from Manchester
SAM was pleased to hear women will be allowed to serve on submarines with men. She said: “We’ve come a long way since philosopher John Stuart Mill’s 1869 essay The Subjection of Women. I just hope there’s something for girls to plug in hair straighteners.”
Monday, March 8th
RHIAN, 23, from Manchester
RHIAN is cheered by the UK’s increasing efforts to recycle. But she adds: “What we really need is a more efficient method of thermal depolymerisation to convert plastics into light crude. We could beat our energy shortage AND reduce landfill, all thanks to some basic hydrous pyrolysis.” / MURDOC NICCALLS OF GORILLAZ REPLIES “You’re absolutely right, Rhian – we don’t want to run into a situation where the conversation (sic) process itself utilises more energy than it manages to save. Recycling in its basic form is still key. But judging by this picture I think you’ve recycled your clothes before you really finished with them, don’t you think?”
Friday, March 5th
Kelly, 19, from Daventry
Statistics are vital to figures fan Kelly but even she thinks Mickey Rourke’s number’s up. She said: “Movie stud Rourke’s claim to bed 14 women a night doesn’t bear maths scrutiny. Over 9 ½ weeks it comes to 112. He’s taken the mickey.”
Thursday, March 4th
BECKY, 26, from London
BECKY hopes the Queen enjoys the chess set from South African president Jacob Zuma. She said: “Hopefully Her Majesty welcomed him with a cunning opening gambit, before finally springing a resounding crosstable checkmate.”
Wednesday, March 3rd
HOLLIE, 22, from Manchester
THE polar bears stuck miles out at sea on melting ice worry Hollie. She said: “Seasonal variations of the Arctic cap reflect altered solar energy absorption. The ice may shrink further, so the bears have to swim for it. Or they could go with the floe.”
Tuesday, March 2nd
CHLOE, 22, from Leeds
CHLOE has an idea why millions of PS3s have packed up. She said: “It could be caused by the mother board interface misconnecting with the CPU and RAM which then sorts the processor and video card. Or it could be something complicated.”
Monday, March 1st
DANNI, 23, from Coventry
DANNI thinks its hilarious Nelson Mandela thought Jeremy Clarkson was an astronaut. She said: “The moon buggy’s two 36-volt silver-zinc potassium hydroxide batteries wouldn’t stand a chance with him at the wheel.”
Friday, February 26th
ROSIE, 19, from Surrey
ROSIE thinks energy bills are painfully high as British Gas posts record profits. She said: “Energy firms have boosted margins by £30 for each typical dual fuel customer yet wholesale gas costs are down 30 per cent. What do I do? Put a jumper on?”
Thursday, February 25th
PETA, 23, from Essex
PETA is not surprised scientists have proved that looking at Page 3 girls is as enjoyable as a tipple. She said: “Sun fans know that studying a curvy girl stimulates the brain’s pleasure centres – and I don’t just mean the pre-frontal cortex.”
Wednesday, February 24th
No NEWS IN BRIEFS
No NEWS IN BRIEFS
Tuesday, February 23rd
SAM, 24, from Manchester
SAM is appalled by our education system. She said: “Labour has turned learning and teaching into a commodity, with their obsession with league tables and progress tablets. But we all know the most important lessons are learned behind the bike sheds.”
Monday, February 22nd
POPPY, 18, from Somerset
POPPY was fascinated by the Astronomer Royal’s thoughts on extraterrestrial life. But she said: “If Lord Rees is right about alien life, where are they all hiding? Or is he suggesting absence of evidence doesn’t mean evidence of absence.”
Friday, February 19th
AMY G, 21, from Sheffield
AMY G is appalled Gordon Brown is borrowing £97,199 a minute to pay off Britain’s debt. She said: “When Adam Smith wrote the Wealth of Nations in 1776 he predicted debt would lead to the collapse of the British Empire.”
Thursday, February 18th
KATIE, 23, from Liverpool
KATIE's from Britain’s biggest boob city, but she’s more interested in the Large Hadron Collider. She said: “Smashing protons together at near-light speed could produce the thus-far theoretical Higgs boson, and validate superstring theory. Bosoms have nothing on bosons.”
Wednesday, February 17th
KELLY, 19, from Daventry
KELLY had an inkling that Barclays would make huge profits. She said: “The combination of selling its fund management arm and the performance of its investment off-shoot BarCap was key. But £95,000 bonuses for traders are a bit rich.”
Tuesday, February 16th
HOLLIE, 22, from Manchester
HOLLIE was reminded of a Chinese philosopher when she heard of the Brits who won £56million on the lottery. She said: "Confucius, he said, 'Never seek illicit wealth'. But I reckon he'd give the nod to two quid on a lotto ticket."
Monday, February 15th
CHLOE, 22, from Leeds
CHLOE hopes the Government acts to cut our national debt as soon as possible. She said: “We really need a detailed strategy to eliminate the underlying structural deficit. Otherwise I dread to think what might happen to the price of shoes.”
Friday, February 12th
AMII, 23, from Birmingham
AMII hopes ranting President Ahmadinedjad’s boast that Iran is a nuclear power will blow up in his face. She said: “It’s one thing to brag to an adoring mob about having produced your first weapons-grade enriched uranium. But to have achieved perfect composition of uranium-235 through isotope separation is quite a different kettle of nuclear fish in my book. Sanctions will show he’s not a big beast – just an atomic kitten.”
Thursday, February 11th
RHIAN, 23, from Manchester
The financial ruin hitting Greeks earns sympathy from Rhian. She says: “It’s a tragedy of epic proportions – but Greece’s budget deficit of 12.7 per cent is fiscally unsustainable. The government fell for the myth of European monetary standardisation and the Acropolis is facing apocalypse now. Homer would be horrified. Even Bart could do better.”
Wednesday, February 10th
RUTH, 26, from Kent
RUTH is glad The Wombles are making a comeback at Glastonbury. She said: “The psychology of nostalgia is still a relatively new field of science. But studies suggest it is a fundamental human emotion that can cause changes to the brain akin to feelings of euphoria. Not only will the show produce a natural high – The Wombles will help clear up too.”
Tuesday, February 9th
VIKKI, 21, from Essex
VIKKI was astonished at Harriet Harman’s attempt to ban the word chairman for being sexist. She said: “The manual Riddick’s Rules of Procedure claims an etymology of chairman as derived from the Latin ‘manus’ which gives it gender-neutrality. Many scholars may consider this a false etymology, but you can’t argue with hundreds of years of commonly understood usage. Ms Harperson is having a laugh.”
Monday, February 8th
ROSIE, 19, from Middlesex
ROSIE was fascinated by the interaction between John Terry and fans in his first match since being sacked as England captain. She said: “I couldn’t help thinking it was like watching an anthropological field study. Just like the renowned academic Desmond Morris, most of us can’t resist a bit of body-watching.”
Saturday, February 6th
DANNI, 23, from Coventry
DANNI was thrilled to discover that Prince Charles had read her views on modern buildings. She said: “Architecture’s place in the metropolitan sprawl is a fascinating topic. I’m a deconstructivist at heart and Frank Gehry’s design of the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao is a triumph. There’s something about curves we all love.”
Friday, February 5th
NIKKALA, 26, from Middlesex
NIKKALA thinks Sir Thomas Legg’s expenses report was a damning indictment of the Commons culture. She said: “Too many MPs tried to conceal exorbitant claims. I say it’s best to make a clean breast of things and have it all out in the open.”
Thursday, February 4th
DANNI, 23, from Coventry
DANNI agrees with Prince Charles that nature has taken a back seat in city life. She said: “The Enlightenment may have once provided a roadmap to a balanced society but as Charles warns, we risk losing something fundamental: our souls.”
Wednesday, February 3rd
SAM, 23, from Manchester
SAM is fascinated that humans could be descended by aliens. She said: “Evidence for the theory of panspermia is compelling. It seems highly feasible our forerunners were cosmic microbes. That must be why we all need our own space.”
Tuesday, February 2nd
KATIE, 20, from Birmingham
KATIE has sympathy for Posh’s foot problem. She said: “A hallux vaigus, or bunion, is a painful biochemical affecting the tendons, ligaments, and supportive structures of the first metatarsal. But a nice pair of heels does make a girl feel special.”
Monday, February 1st
STACEY, 20, from Plymouth
STACEY was impressed by yesterday’s first ever live 3D football broadcast. She said: “The match looked amazing. It’s a shame most normal tellies can’t yet project the polarised light needed to trick the brain into thinking you’re seeing a 3D image.”
Friday, January 29th
NICOLA T, 27, from Croydon
NICOLA was surprised that Vinnie was no longer favourite to win Celeb Big Brother – after viewers accused him of being mean to Sov, Ivana and Alex. The former housemate said: “He was never a bully to me. He’s really witty, quick and funny. I wonder if he just comes across differently on telly?”
Thursday, January 28th
KELLY, 19, from Daventry
KELLY can't believe how cosseted Treasury officials are. "Why do they need yoga lessons? While there are benefits to this traditional Indian meditative discipline, their desk jobs are hardly stressful. They should take up another position."
Wednesday, January 27th
ROSIE, 19, from Middlesex
OUR fragile recovery troubles Rosie: “It’s a technical end to the recession but this smallest-possible growth owes much to tax-funded stimuli like the VAT cut. I’ve seen bigger green shoots in an egg ‘n cress sarnie.”
Tuesday, January 26th
CHLOE, 22, from Leeds
CHLOE is sad that the Earth is becoming invisible to aliens. She said: “The increasing dominance of digital signals over analogue could end any chance of making contact. Still, I reckon we’re better off without that Darth Vadar.”
Monday, January 25th
BECKY, 26, from London
BECKY says a May election can't come soon enough for gaffe-prone Defence boss Bob Ainsworth: "Instead of obeying constitutional convention whereby the Premier seeks royal approval for a polling day, Bob blabbed it on the telly. He's past his sell-by date."
Friday, January 22nd
HOLLIE, 22, from Manchester
HOLLIE is furious that we’re shelling out for a battery of crackpot laws by Labour. She said: “Whoever heard of disturbing a box of eggs without permission? It diminishes the authority of basic tenets of English law as laid down in the Magna Carta of 1215.”
Thursday, January 21st
RHIAN, 23, from Manchester
RHIAN endorses the way shamed golf superstar Tiger Woods is addressing his sex addiction. She said: “The ‘out-of-bounds’ therapy is essential. He needs to iron out his swinging so that each time he gets a birdie he realises he doesn’t also have to bunker.”
Wednesday, January 20th
AMY, 21, from Sheffield
AMY thinks the sale of Cadbury’s to America is a sad day for Britain, but adds: “It’s the free market at work, as 18th Century economist Adam Smith would have said. I just hope Kraft keep the Curly Wurly.”
Tuesday, January 19th
KELLY, 19, from Daventry
KELLY is impressed by teacher Danny Brooks’ record-breaking football throw-in. She said: “People will wonder how he did it, but having analysed the science of this I can tell you that his pivot action is key.”
Monday, January 18th
PETA, 23, from Essex
PETA says Prince William could have easily avoided being hit in the privates with a rugby ball. She said: “He should have turned his body to the side and pulled the ball to his thigh. It’s one of rugby’s basics.”
Friday, January 15th
RUTH, 26, from Kent
RUTH reckons hunky Cristiano Ronaldo has the perfect body to model pants but he looks a bit stiff. She says: "Yes, Ronaldo's got a great body but he needs to loosen up a bit. His pose isn't natural."
Thursday, January 14th
POPPY, 18, from Somerset
POPPY is 5ft 5in and has a big concern after learning that PC Rob Port is believed to be Britain's smallest cop at just 5ft. She said: "I was always taught that you should look up to bobbies."
Wednesday, January 13th
STACEY, 22, from Plymouth
STACEY has been marvelling at satellite images which appear to show trees on Mars. She said: “Of course they are not real trees, but it’s amazing how layers of CO2 frost can play tricks on the eyes.”
Tuesday, January 12th
KATIE, 24, from Liverpool
KATIE can’t believe the huge sums paid out by the MoD to people complaining about noisy jets. She said: “It’s crazy. Some of our brave troops have horrific injuries, but they get so little compensation compared with these moaners.”
Monday, January 11th
SAM, 23, from Manchester
SAM is among the voters who feel let down by Labour. She said: “They’ve had their chance and not taken it. They’ve wasted a lot of time in government, so it’s time for someone else to have a go at solving Britain’s problems.”
Friday, January 8th
AMII, 24, from Birmingham
AMII was taken aback by Jonathan Ross’s shock decision to leave the BBC after 13 years. She said: “He’s certainly had his fair share of controversy. You have to wonder – did he jump or was he pushed?”
Thursday, January 7th
ROSIE, 19, from Middlesex
ROSIE is astonished at the attempted coup on Gordon Brown’s leadership by ex-ministers Patricia Hewitt and Geoff Hoon. She said: “Their plotting will only leave Labour in a bigger mess.”
Wednesday, January 6th
CHLOE, 22, from Leeds
CHLOE was disgusted to learn that hate cleric Anjem Choudary rakes in more money than soldiers fighting on the front line. She said: "It makes my blood boil. How can this possibly be right."
Tuesday, January 5th
DANNI, 23, from Coventry
DANNI was amazed that moneybags footballer Frank Lampard took new love Christine Bleakley shopping at Poundland. She said: “It looks like Christine didn’t have a word of complaint – it must be love.”
Monday, January 4th
HOLLIE, 22, from Manchester
HOLLIE was glued to the telly last night for the start of Celebrity Big Brother. She said: "I've really been looking forward to it. The whole thing is car crash television - that's what makes it compulsive viewing."
Friday, January 1st
BECKY, 26, from London
BECKY is delighted that Robbie Williams has proposed to Ayda Field after finally deciding to settle down. She said: “Robbie deserves some happiness after all the personal torment he’s been through.”